Behold The Book: The Rise of Attention Surplus

Of all the harebrained, self-aggrandizing schemes perpetrated by my dear comrade, David Schoffman, this one is the most flippant. Like all neurotics, David is a master of unscientific medical diagnoses. Inventing a brand new debility is another classic case of a solution in search of a problem.

This so-called "attention surplus" syndrome pretends to identify an ability some people may have, to evade the distractions of technology. As we all acknowledge by now, such a rare and remote aptitude is simply impossible.

Let's all be adult about this. It's time to definitively wave goodbye to prolonged patience.